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What if Heidi Fleiss diverted her talents to cultivate the art of cooking instead of streetwalking? Paula Deen knows the answer to that question, and not because of her own questionable morals. I once watched in horror (and envy) as she egregiously stuffed her face with a lasagna sandwich on national TV. At least we can call the sandwich a slut without hurting its feelings.

Anything so tasty, overindulgent, and heart-attack-inducing deserves the title, but with no shame in its game.  Slut-praising, if you will. I’m officially an advocate for using the term as long as we’re talking finger-licking good food. And since alcohol brings out the promiscuity in all of us, it’s no wonder bars serve the sluttiest foods:

  • Pork belly pastrami Reuben ($11) at Blackjack. Succulent pork belly and creamy Gruyere make a salacious combination that’s only (and appropriately) offered on the last-call menu. 1612 14th Street NW, Washington, DC.
  • Deep-fried, bacon-wrapped peanut butter cups ($7) at The Passenger. You don’t even need beer goggles to take these obscenities to the face. 1021 7th Street NW, Washington, DC.
  • Chicken and waffle sandwich ($12) at Rock N Roll Hotel. Chesty chicken tenders, bacon and Swiss cheese turn this popular breakfast pairing into a wanton affair. 1353 H Street NE, Washington, DC.
  • BBQ pulled pork cupcake ($9) at Bourbon Steak. With tender pulled pork spilling out of a cheddar biscuit, this savory cupcake is only available after 5 pm, just like the prostitutes that allegedly eat there. 2800 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington, DC.
  • The Luther ($10, pictured below) at GBD. Halve a sultry brioche doughnut, motorboat it with a piece of fried chicken, sprinkle it with bacon, and you have one famous floozy of a sandwich. 1323 Connecticut Avenue NW, Washington, DC.

The Luther. Photo: GBD Fried Chicken and Doughnuts.

  • Pork belly mac ‘n’ cheese ($9) at Meridian Pint. Their classic mac with the addition of pork belly and truffle oil makes for a ménage a trois you’ll be happy to guest star in. 3400 11th Street NW, Washington, DC.
  • Redskin potato pie ($12.95/$24.95, pictured above) at Mellow Mushroom. This pizza is a like a baked potato with all of the fixins: bacon, caramelized onions, two types of cheeses, and sour cream which might as well be drizzled in the shape of a Scarlet Letter. 2436 18th Street NW, Washington, DC.
  • Tony’s beer-battered burger ($9.49) at Tune Inn. When an already voluptuous burger goes into the deep fryer, it comes out as big an attention whore as Lindsay Bluth Funke. 331 Pennsylvania Avenue SE, Washington, DC.
  • Fried green tomato PB-BLT ($12) at The Getaway. Two glistening brioche buns slathered with goat cheese and stuffed with pork belly make this dinner-only menu item a true lady of the night. 1400 Meridian Place NW, Washington, DC.
  • Loaded sweet potato fries ($11) at The Pinch. These fries are tired of the double standard perpetuated by nachos and have outrageous toppings to prove it: BBQ duck, bacon, cheddar cheese, scallions and sour cream. 3548 14th Street NW, Washington, DC.

Feature photo via Mystery Diner