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Halloween is the one day out of the year when you can be whoever or whatever you want. Last year, I was in a Halloween concert as the Leg Lamp from Christmas Story, fell off the stage and ended up in a full-body cast. Get ready as everyone’s favorite night to look slutty comes back from the dead with booze cruises, inappropriate hypnotists, zombies, haunted houses and more:

Not for the squeamish, take in dinner and a scary movie at The Queen Vic October 30-31 from [6:30]-10:00 pm for $35.

Feast on pig’s head nuggets, stuffed lamb’s heart, beetroot risotto or elderflower eyeballs and wash it down with all-you-can-drink Zombie Punch.

You can vote on what scary movie is shown here. 1206 H Street NE, Washington, DC. 202.396.2001

Old Town Alexandria is serious about dogs, and the competition will be ferocious at Hotel Monaco’s Happy Howl-o-ween costume contest October 30 at 6 pm. Win prizes for Most Political Pooch; Most Glamorous Get-Up and Best Dressed Couple while enjoying Halloween cocktails, light bites from Jackson 20 and free treats and water bowls for dogs. 480 King Street, Alexandria, VA. 703.549.6080

Masa 14 is having a Halloween costume party for humans only, on October 27 at 10 pm. There will be a live DJ, plus specials like the bacon-wrapped Devil Dog and Zombitini cocktail. 1825 14th Street NW, Washington, DC . 202.328.1414

The annual Zombie Night returns, but sadly due to logistics, will do so without the walk (or shuffle). On October 27 at 8 pm, the undead may convene at the AFI Theater for a double feature of Grindhouse at 9:45 pm followed by Shaun of the Dead at 11:45 pm.

Also in Silver Spring, DJ Hawk is hosting McGinty’s Public House’s Halloween costume party on October 27 with prizes for best costumes, plus drink specials and dancing. 911 Ellsworth Drive, Silver Spring, MD. 301.587.1270

Just add water, with the Spirit of Washington’s annual Boo Cruise on October 27 from 9 pm-midnight. Enjoy passed hors d’oeuvres, a cash bar and a costume contest to win free tickets to a cruise. $44.90 per person. 600 Water Street SW, Washington, DC. 800.250.3897

If you love pumpkin pie, Dolcezza is featuring their Heirloom Neck Pumpkin gelato made with real “pumpkin pie” pumpkins from Tree and Leaf Farm in Unionville, Maryland through October. Various locations.

PAUL Bakery is featuring pain chocolat orange croissants enhanced with orange pastry cream, pumpkin tartelette citrouille and tartelette orange with a chocolate spider web! Various locations.

Fadó is hosting a Mad Scientist’s Bash on October 27 at 9 pm. There’s a costume contest with a $500 grand prize! Live music by Weird Science plus scientific cocktails and test-tube shots. No cover charge and drink specials all night. 808 7th Street NW, Washington, DC. 202.789.0066

Display your mad knife skillz at Helix Lounge’s pumpkin carving contest on October 25 at 6 pm. Win prizes for Most Political Pumpkin or Most Ghoulish Gourd while sipping pumpkin martinis or Starr Hill Pumpkin Porter. Enjoy half-price burgers, $6 Cosmos, $3 Yuengling drafts and $2 PBR’s til 9 pm. 1430 Rhode Island Avenue NW, Washington, DC. 202.462.9001

Snack on pumpkin specialties at RIS October 27 from noon-3pm while carving up pumpkins, and maybe yours will win a spot on the patio through Halloween. $20 donation to benefit DC Central Kitchen. Space is limited. 2275 L Street NW, Washington, DC. 202.730.2508

On October 31 from 7 pm-close, it’s the King of Pop vs. the Prince of Darkness at Bar Pilar and Café Saint-Ex. Café Saint-Ex will host an Ozzy Osbourne-themed party with $7 Ozzy-inspired cocktails, rock and metal and DJ Ari Goldman. 1847 14th Street, NW, Washington, DC.

Bar Pilar pays tribute to the late King of Pop, Michael Jackson with MJ’s tunes, of course, plus $7 Graveyard Punch and Pumpkin Manhattans. 1833 14th Street NW, Washington, DC.

Brightest Young Things is hosting The Temple of Doom and the Lost Crystal Skull Crusade on October 26 from 8 pm-1 am. There will be a cash bar, burlesque, a hypnotist, karaoke, live DJ’s, free zombie make-overs and giant hamster balls (?). Advance tickets are $20, $25 day of.

The Arlington Drafthouse is hosting a Halloween Zombie Movie Festival at the Half Street Fairgrounds October 27 at 6 pm on Living Social. The largest zombie hoard will enjoy a cash bar, zombie movies, dancing, games, a zombie obstacle course and food trucks. Advance tickets are $10 through LivingSocial.

Join the massive costumed crowds for Nightmare on M Street on October 27 from 5 pm-1 am as they bar hop across 27 area bars like Madhatter, The Front Page, Irish Whiskey Public House, Dirty Martini, One Lounge and Panache. Enjoy $2 Coors Lights, $3 Blue Moons, $3 Red Bull cans, $4 Bacardi drinks and additional food specials.

If you’d rather forgo the alcohol for an adrenaline rush, Scoutmob has five haunted house tours that will scare the Land of Goshen out of you.

Photo: cutekittenz.com