by Emma Lord
Ah, the sweet smell of Metro accessible dining. Right off the Ballston metro stop in Arlington is one of the famous Ted’s Montana Grill, a chain started by entrepreneur Ted Turner back in 2002 featuring hearty meals, selections of steak and bison, and an array of burgers, most of which I realized upon looking at the menu I had already memorized. You see, I’d forgotten that back in my days of living in Tennessee last year that my roommate had worked as a waitress at the Nashville location, and being as on point as she was, she strove to memorize the ingredients of every burger on the menu — and I, being obsessed with food, was glad to help her do it.
Although I heard plenty of tell about how delicious the restaurant was, I never actually had the chance to dine there before I moved away, and was happy to have that significant gap in my life filled this past Thursday when I ventured over there with a friend. Brace yourself, folks. There are some unadulterated pictures of food ahead.
We started off with the bison nachos with pepper jack cheese, because we were feeling adventurous. They were crispy and juicy not at all spicy, which is something wimps like me appreciate. It also came with the fresh homemade guacamole, which more than stood up to my honed DC guac standards (if you put me in one of those restaurants downtown where they make the guac at your table, I will sit there and eat only that and ask for more chips all night. I am a public menace).
For our entrees, we split the Farmhouse Salad and the Delmonico Ribeye. We were going to get beef, but our savvy waitress recommended the bison, and basically changed my life forever. I’ve never tried bison before, and at the risk of grossing you all out, it was so delicious that I was sad to swallow it. Like, I could have just chewed it forever. I’m not a big steak expert but I’ve had my fair share of them for a 23-year-old human, and bison is way more tender and juicier, and I’m pretty sure I heard someone say it was healthier, so I’m just going to roll with that. We only had a little bit left over and I loved it so much I straight up ate it for breakfast the next day.
The dessert we chose, the Kahlúa Fudge Brownie, will test your friendships. If you hazard to split it with another individual, you will come out of the experience that much more aware of how loyal you would be in a crisis situation. As for me? Well, I already knew from years of experience fighting my way to bites of shared dessert with four siblings that I am an unyielding, merciless dessert monster, but I have tried, for the sake of public decency, to curb that behavior. This brownie was so rich and chocolatey and delicious that I almost lost all sense of how far I have come.
It would be remiss not to also mention the delectable Ted’s Signature Margarita, also recommended by our awesome waitress. I’m pretty sure I’m still licking my lips.
Other perks: awesome people there, plenty of gluten free options, and it’s not super loud on a weekday. I’m now making it my personal mission to assemble my large ragtag family and drag them over here so that they can experience the mind-boggling deliciousness. That being said, when the dessert comes, they better watch out for my fork. If they want to keep their hands.
Ted’s Montana Grill
4300 Wilson Blvd, Arlington, VA