Ted’s Excellent Culinary Adventure
[Mary Kong] 11 30 2010Imagine that I’m Keanu Reeves, and you’re that other guy. We travel back in time to meet Ted Neal, this cool Navy pilot dude whose sons are Ted’s Bulletin partners Mark and Ty Neal. Cool Navy Pilot Dude tells us that the world will no longer exist unless we write a most excellent blog post. So he gives us this bodacious gourmet experience at Ted’s Bulletin that is so unrivaled, it inspires us to rock out on this blog.
First, Cool Navy Pilot Dude makes us a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup ($9.79) that is totally comforting and satisfying. Like I’m a little dude again.
Drew’s gooey peanut butter bacon burger ($12.29, pictured, bottom left) comes with a choice of beef, chicken breast, or turkey patty, but in a total twist of irony, I select a vegetarian black bean and corn patty.
Sweet, crunchy, salty, savory, it is most resplendent! Served on a sesame seed bun with sweet and spicy Roma tomato jam on the side. The crisp, battered fries are also outstanding.
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and it is served anytime at Ted’s Bulletin. We devoured The Walk of Shame breakfast burrito ($11.29), which has delectable sirloin steak, scrambled eggs, cheddar and shredded hash browns. It is most delicious.
To accompany this gastronomical experience, we require a beverage of equal or greater bodaciousness. A sweet, alcoholic Bailey’s Caramel Macchiato shake ($7.99, pictured, top right) is smooth, not non-non-thick as to tire our brains. That would be bogus, dude.
There are other alcoholic flavors like Mocha Kahlua, Grasshopper, White Russian, Pina Colada, Nutty Professor, Tequila Sunrise, Spiked Thai Coffee, Fuzzy Navel, and Strawberry Daquiri.
If you’re a dweeb who cannot handle the Beelzebub or in short, eschew alcohol, there are non-non-non-alcoholic flavors ($5.99) like strawberry, chocolate, root beer float, s’mores, peanut butter, chocolate & banana, orange, peppermint, cherry vanilla, Heath Almond, butter pecan, Oreo, coffee and vanilla (pictured, top left).
Saving the world is most exhaustive, so we were sure to replenish our supply of provisions, such as homemade Pop Tarts, oatmeal creme pies, caramel apples, sugar cookies, and Snoballs on the time travel ride home. After our most excellent culinary adventure at Ted’s Bulletin, we return to the present just in time to publish this post, thus saving the world from total annihilation and getting lots of luscious princess babes. Excellent!
Ted’s Bulletin
505 8th Street SE
Washington, DC 20003
202.544.8337
Opens daily at 7 am, 7 days a week.
Metro: Orange/Blue Lines to Eastern Market. One block south of the station.
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You always come up with something fresh and new! I love it, GMF.
First, that peanut butter burger looks amazing, and staring at it is making me very hungry.
Second, a fun “what if?” game: imagine Alex ‘Ted’ Winter in all of Keanu’s roles.
Lastly, WYLD STALLYNS rule!
Nice review of Ted’s Bulletin! After reading it, I’m thinking you could actually win an award for it. Seriously